“Will You stay with me when I forget You’re there?
Will you still love me when my love lingers elsewhere?”
Have you ever asked God the questions in the above lyrics?
Have you ever felt not-good-enough? Have you ever broken down in tears while listening to 3 Doors Down’s “Kryptonite”? Do you feel like you’ve betrayed God? Well I
have. And based on the song “Enclosed by You” by Josh White, he has too.
Fortunately, for those of you similar to me who look to music to answer our questions
and doubts, White offers us a state of spiritual repose in the chorus:
“I will never leave you
Leave you waiting ‘round
I’m the one who’s been waiting
For you to turn around
For you to turn around”
In the chorus, White is speaking from God’s perspective
(very tastefully and respectfully, I might add), telling us He will not leave us, He will not leave us empty, looking for answers. God LOVES us! The
Creator of EVERY SINGLE ATOM calls me, a wretch (which by the way has the
synonyms: scoundrel, villain, and rascal) His child. If that doesn’t
immediately elate you to the point of an uncontrollable smile or make you drop
your venti caramel mocha, you are very clearly lost in a deep vegetative state.
BUT WAIT! There is even more good news!
The chorus continues with: “I’m (meaning
God) the one who’s been waiting for you to turn around”. WOW! Do you realized
the gravity of what has just happened here? God
is waiting for us! We have an open
invitation into God’s Kingdom, called Heaven. It’s free y’all.
WARNING!!! I AM
ABOUT TO MAKE YOU READ A FAIRLY LONG PASSAGE OF SCRIPTURE FROM THE BOOK OF
EPHESIANS. PLEASE DO NOT GLAZE OVER THIS PASSAGE AS IF IT WERE ONE OF THE SLAVE
SONGS FROM “THE NARRATIVE OF THE LIFE OF FREDERICK DOUGLASS”. PLEASE READ AND
TAKE SERIOUSLY. THANKS.
“We too all previously lived among them [the world] in our
fleshly desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and we
were by nature children under wrath as the others were also. But God, who is
rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with
the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! Together
with Christ Jesus He also raised us up and seated us in the heavens, so that in
the coming ages He might display the immeasurable riches of His grace through
His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For you are saved by grace through faith,
and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift— not from works, so that no
one can boast. For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.”
–Ephesians 2:3-10
Insecurity
Did you survive? Good. I knew you would. I just feel like
this is an incredibly important passage for us to take seriously as insecure “rascals”
who seek the God of the Bible and call Him Master. And I feel that all too
often, we don’t feel good enough for God or the church. But we are. I promise
this is no trick. I’m not trying to walk you down a prideful path. I’m not
trying to in any way boast. I just need you to know that you are good enough for God. But that’s not to say that you should
stay complacent. You should grow. I should grow. We all should grow. Satan recently
put deep insecurities into my heart, and luckily through the help of some
amazing friends, leaders, Jesus, and my loving parents, I’ve overcome such insecurities.
Because of that, I want to give you some tips to overcome insecurities before I
move on to indie worship.
1) Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It’s an easy trap to
fall into. Before you know what has happened, you’re already covered in
sackcloth quoting Lamentations. That’s not living. God speaks to us through
King Solomon in this way: “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache
crushes the spirit.” –Proverbs 15:13. Does someone else’s fortune upset you? Do
you find satisfaction in “signaling” the woman who cut you off? Do you stay up
at night wishing you had a Fender Deluxe (oops…)? Don’t let it. It truly is that simple. Just stop. A great way to overcome self-pity is to listen to The
Liturgists’ “Vapor (A Meditation)”. I pray Michael Gungor’s spoken word poetry
will wreck you as it did me.
2) Fellowship with other believers. Yeah, that's right I said it. I have heard the excuse “ohnoicantbecauseimanintrovertandbeingaroundpeoplestressesme”.
I’m going to be quite frank with you- that excuse is bogus. Would you like to
know how I know that’s a bogus excuse? Because I used to say that! All the time! To every opportunity! I am
naturally an introvert. I naturally get stressed around people. Groups cause me
to cower in terror. But I live with it. The only way to grow out of being an
introvert is put yourself out into the real world (which has crowds… lots of
them… and lots of them smell). After starting college, God made it unmistakably
clear to me that fellowship with others is necessary for a relationship with
Him. For me, the relationship with God is the easy part. The relationship I have with others is what gives me
anxiety. But seriously. Go grab some Taco Casa with a fellow broken vessel. See
where God takes you. Worship Him.
Alright… That’s it for the tips on overcoming insecurities.
I feel like I have a greater quantity of more potent tips bubbling somewhere
within the sonic highway God has given me for a brain, but I’m currently stuck
somewhere in traffic on the I-20 of my conscious, so I’ll leave you with those
two. Maybe someday I’ll post an expanded blog post on overcoming insecurity
(hint, hint).
Indie Worship
Movement
Alright, so after seeing my blog title you were probably
thinking, “Yikes. He’s some charismatic freak who digs snake handling as a form
of worship.” You couldn’t be more false! I hate snakes! Anyways, I recently
fell head over heels for what I call the “Indie Worship Movement”, which I will be
abbreviating as IWM. Essentially what the IWM is is Sufjan Stevens if he wrote worship
music. What? You don’t know Sufjan Stevens? Go check out this song, cry, eat
some chocolate, recompose yourself, and return to my blog post. I promise it’ll
still be here.
Glad to see you’ve returned! Indie worship is incredibly
chill. For all the mainstream Hillsong fans out there, think Hillsong Chapel
(which by the way is INCREDIBLE). The IWM is composed of doubled lyrics,
acoustic guitar, electric guitar swells (and the occasional lead line),
feel-good folksy melodies, song-length builds, and incredibly raw lyrics that
make your innards churn. Really the only important things you need to remember are that indie worship groups sound like Sufjan Stevens and are incredibly honest. I mean, if Page CXVI’s cover of “Joy” doesn’t give you
goosebumps, I would have you reconsider your existence on this earth. What I
would like you gain from this section of the post is an arsenal of IWM artists
whose lyrics will tenderize your emotional wellness indefinitely.
The Liturgists- A group of experimental musicians and
worshipers comprised namely of but not limited to: the Gungor family, The
Brilliance (which is also a part of the Gungor family, but whatever), Rob Bell,
All Sons and Daughters, and Sleeping At Last. The goal of The Liturgists is
infiltrate doctrine into the everyday lives of the people who listen to their
music/spoken word poetry. They do this by using a lot of since-forgotten
Eastern practices and genius spoken word tracks.
Pros: Their art presents many ideas
that seem foreign. These ideas will challenge you, wreck you, and make you
grow. It’s thrilling.
Cons: Their art presents many ideas
that seem foreign. Such ideas are “God our mother” and “apophatic meditation”.
Because I cannot honestly ponder such massive concepts as a mere broken vessel,
I have decided to stay neutral on the issues. They scare me, and I can’t find
enough literature on the subjects to give me finality in my opinion. Second,
they claim in their manifesto that they are mystic. As I was raised Southern
Baptist, mysticism does not sit well with me. Again, I’m not saying these
concepts are wrong. I’m just saying to please
please please be careful when confronting such tremendous concepts. Listen
to the Liturgists at your own risk and only after prayer.
Josh White- White is an artist who writes for Deeper
Well, a collective of artists seeking to further God’s kingdom with their
talents. His lyrics are incredibly raw. Not only that, but the actual
instrumentation of the music itself is incredible! As an intense fan of indie
music, this greatly excites me! His project, “The Followers”, is described as “Neo-Gospel”.
What White and the rest of the band do is combine modern Americana and folk
with 60s and 70s soul and rock. The outcome is a blend of life-changing,
God-honoring bliss.
Pros: The
music is incredible and his rich, theological lyrics will move you.
Cons: The Deeper Well Collective
puts a lot of emphasis on prophetic word, which in itself is not a bad thing. I
just sense a lot push towards prophecy, and too much of any thing can be a bad thing.
Jon Foreman- Hahahahaha! You don’t know Jon Foreman,
the subject matter of thousands of teenage Christian girls’ dreams? If you aren’t already
acquainted with his long, dirty blonde hair, sultry lyrics, and association
with TWLOHA, then you most definitely know Switchfoot. OH SWITCHFOOT! YEAH I
KNOW THEM! Yeah? Good. But you ought to know Mr. Foreman’s heart-melting solo
career as well. Jon Foreman is incredibly vulnerable with his listeners. People
don’t like to admit depravity, but something about singing along to “Instead of
a Show” makes it okay. Jon Foreman is musical genius paving new ground for lesser-known,
restless indie worshipers looking to make a career out of IWM.
Pros: Foreman is all about
destroying the art of the show. He loves to admit how broken and humbled he is.
Something about that is just appealing, don’t you think?
Cons: Many of Foreman’s songs are
about girls. Sooooooo uhhhhmmmm… Just make sure you don’t select a song for
Sunday morning worship that was written for an entirely different purpose. I’d
rather not be singing about how God’s hair is rich, blonde, and curly.
Young Oceans- Young Oceans is a bit heavier than the
rest of the above artists. Not heavy like rock. In fact, they’re incredibly
chill. They use a lot of computers and stuff to make cool sounds. Their lyrics
cut deep, and they’re theological. In fact, Young Oceans is so wonderful, they
don’t have any cons- only pros!
Okay so these four artists are enough to keep you
entertained for weeks and weeks. But because I’m nice, I’ll give you a longer
list of some of my all-time favorite IWM artists:
Derek Webb
Michaela Mclaird
Beautiful Eulogy
Archabald
Shane & Shane
Page CXVI
The Brilliance
Ascend the Hill
Least of These
Brady Toops
Over the Ocean
Urban Rescue
Closing Thoughts
In closing, I would just like to 1) apologize that it took me so long to post. I've been busy, sick, bored, complacent, and just plain tired. 2) I'd like to apologize that this post is nowhere close to relating to guitar pedals and lead playing. 3) I'd like to thank you for reading this post about my insecurities. I hope you actually gained some knowledge and encouragement from my scribblings. I write to myself- I just think someone might care to read what I have to say. 4) I really really really hope you listen to the bands that I wrote about. These bands have taught me so much about worshiping our King. They've taught me to be open and honest with others. It's just so cool that God gives people the talent to do what they do. I'm so blessed, and I hope these bands bless you too.
Thanks y'all,
Curtis Howard
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